“I’m A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here!”

The number of reasons you should watch this show are more than I can count, so I’m going to let the quotes from the first two episodes speak for themselves.  Watch it every Monday through Thursday on NBC at 8pm EST.  Unfortunately Heidi and Spencer left on the second episode, but I have a pretty good feeling they’ll be back.

“Oh, now those are horses!” –Heidi

“Those are cows, honey.” –Janice Dickinson

“Is that a REAL monkey?!” –Heidi (Apparently having spent her entire life on a set, she doesn’t understand that in the REAL jungle, there are REAL monkeys.)

“That monkey’s laughing at us. Yeah, shut up monkey, we get it!” –Spencer

“That’s some way to embrace nature.” –Patti Blagojevich

“Unless he’s an endangered species, I don’t give a flying poop.” –Spencer

“I feel like everything in life just got taken from me…and not in a fun way.” –Heidi

“You just thought it would be easier?” –Spencer (when Heidi says she wants to leave the jungle)

“I don’t know. I just cannot not have sex with you for that long.” –Heidi

“This is almost, like, borderline torture. Like I would do this to Al Qaeda.” –Heidi

“I’m too rich and I’m too famous to be sitting here with these people and cleaning up their shit in the jungle, my man. This cast is devaluing our fame right now.” –Spencer to NBC producers

“Good news guys, we’re having Sanjaya for dinner. I’m gonna cook him alive.” –Spencer after Sanjaya pretended to steal his cot

“Everyone is just being so mean and they took off all my labels from my dry shampoo.” –Heidi (in tears)

“This is the first time you’re crying on TV that it’s not fake.” –Spencer to Heidi after her breakdown

“I see them all as servants to me.” –Spencer

“I’m a villain, so why wouldn’t I want my brand being negative everywhere, ya know? The bottom line is, when I go see a movie like Batman, does the villain get the academy award or does the sweet little hero get it?’ –Spencer

“Lord Jesus please help me.” –Heidi when she had to eat a rat’s tail.  Because Lord Jesus really needs to help you with that.

“I was just praying it wasn’t what they were telling me it was and just thinking ‘okay, it’s a delicatessen or something.’” – Torrie Wilson while eating tripe and apparently pretending it was an entire deli

“My goal is to be a true disciple of Jesus. A Mother Teresa.” –Heidi

“So I did my first prayer. God, please, the one person I want to go on a double date with is Miley Cyrus. If you’re so powerful make me hang out with Miley Cyrus. He did it within a month.” –Spencer

“Here’s what you’re playing for…” –Host reveals the fish they will win for dinner if they complete the challenge

“Can we choose something else?” –Heidi

“I’m a celebrity get me out of here! I don’t volunteer, I get paid!” -Spencer (who also admitted he chose to represent the largest charity in the world so that when he left it didn’t matter that they didn’t get the money, because they don’t need it as much)